My family, my way...

Funny how walking into a store with a group of kids trailing behind you will always elicit the same random, thoughtless questions "are these all yours", "don't you have a TV", "haven't you figured out where those come from yet" ??? And the more kids you have the more those questions start sounding like the dull drone of "gee, how stupid are you anyway?"

One of my favorite stories from my own experience went something like this: I had been working for several hours - on my feet as a cashier. It was near the end of my shift and I was tired. I was also about 7 months pregnant. An acquaintance comes through my line and states the obvious - "your having another baby." then some small talk about how this would be number 4? no 5. Once I clear that up she says in that thoughtless little joking way that these comments are always made... "haven't you figured out where those come from?" and since I'm tired and cranky and sassy I pop off with "why,yes, and we are making instructional videos. Why? Do you need one?" the look of shock on her face was priceless, but then I felt bad and a bit embarrassed that I'd been so blunt but I reminded her that my answer was really no worse then her question.

Twice now I've used the word thoughtless, and it was done intentionally, these are not comments made to any gain, the people asking them do not really need an answer, and really it is meant to be a joke. But when you start hearing the questions by child number 3 and then with more frequency with each one... well by the time I was 7 months pregnant with number 5 it had gotten annoying, aggravating, and maddening.

I expect that if and when we find ourselves expecting another blessing I will hear another wave of thoughtless questions. But now I have more answers to those questions that will maybe not be quite so shocking. However, I also have the one reserved just in case I run into an especially annoying inquisitor.

I received this in an email. I don't know who to credit for writing it - if you do just let me know... A list of witty answers to "those" questions...

You have your hands full!
-Yes, happily so!
-Yes, and my heart too.
-Don't say anything, just look puzzled at your hands. (This does obviously not work if you are carrying a baby :-)
-Yes, but I would rather have my hands full than empty!

Are they all yours?
-No, I just went to Rent-a-Brat.
-No, this is not all of them, my oldest is at home with the triplets.
-No, actually two are the mailman's and I am not sure whose is that one.....
-No, a couple of them starting following us a few minutes ago. -- This is especially funny when you look at your kids and realize that one of them really ISN'T yours -- he had just started following you and you didn't notice before...
-No, I picked up a couple extra in the produce aisle.
-Gee, I never heard that question before!
-Yes they are! And then one of the boys will pipe up and mention the 21 yo and the 18 yo if they are not there and of course the baby on the way!
-Of course they're all mine. Do you think I take six (or fill in your number) kids shopping for fun?
-YES!
-Yes, they are all ours. We have been married for 22 years, but only have 11 kids to show for it.
-No..........I have two more at home! (When it fits)
-Yes, and they're such good kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (the kids love that one!)
-Of course they are..wait..who is that one?Hes not ours.....oh,yeah,#5,I forgot I had him.
-I don't know. How many do you count?
-Yes. But if you have any you don't want, I'll gladly take them, too
-i'm pregnant. I gave this response. Yes, and this one (pointed to my belly) is too.
-No. I've been an avid collector for years and just picked these up in the food court!

Are you going to have more?
-Why do you want to know?
-Well, not today.
-We are trying to get into the Genisus Book of World Records of (add whatever here) most kids, largest family living in one house, etc.
-OH YES! I want to have a family bigger then the one in my favorite movie "Yours, Mine & Ours!" only (add a # here) to beat the 19 they had!!
-Yes, I always want just one more.
-Well, we do have a twelve passenger van.
-Check back in nine months and you'll see for yourself.

Don't you know what causes that?
-No, please tell me!
-Of course, don't you?
-Yes, we do know what causes that and we like it very much, thank you.
-Oh yes, we finally figured it out and we now keep the tooth brushes in separate glasses!
-Oh yes, I now wash my husband's underwear separately.
-Smile brightly and say with enthusiasm "Yes and we like it!"
-You bet I do......love, love, love
-It's in the water. Would you like a glass?
-Yes and I know WHO causes it! God gave us these children!
-Yes I do........cold winter nights.........
-LOVE! An overabundance of love!!
-Yes,and as you only have two kids obviously you don't do it much.
-Of course, and the Lord has greatly blessed us!
-A strong husband/wife relationship, big hearts, and the Lord's blessing.

Are you going to get fixed?
-Nope, I am not broken!
-Why do you want to know?
-Huh, we thought everything was working fine for us!?!
-We didn't know anything was broken.
-Don't you only fix things that aren't working properly?
-Well as you can see be the size of OUR family everything is in working order. :)(You have to say this last one with the kinda "I'm not to bright so your question seems kinda foolish don't you think?" attitude.

I can't believe how you do it, I cannot even handle my two!
-Yes, if I had kids like you, I wouldn't have any more either!
-Yes, you don't strike me as the type who could handle more kids than that.
-I put knobs on the kids. Makes them easier to handle.
-Everyone has 24 hours in a day, it is just how you use it.
-With lots of patience, patience, patience
-go and look at them while they're sleeping. This reminds me of what sweet children of God they are and keeps me going!
-Oh, I just do it. Wake up in the morning, do what you have to do all day, go to bed when it's done.
-Pick your battles carefully. It helps to have selective sight and hearing!
-Don't sweat the small stuff.
-(this is a good one for chat rooms) Oh, straight jackets and handcuffs!

Are you planning to have any more?
-I've been wondering about this and maybe you can explain it to me: I always thought you had to plan NOT to have more.
-Before we were married we planned on having 2, but I didn't know that my husband couldn't count!
-We didn't plan the first six, I don't think we'll plan the next six, either.

I hope you aren't planning to have anymore?!?
-You mean, I just figured out what I'm really, really good at, and you're telling me to stop doing it?
-Talk to God about it... it's up to Him.
-Well, we do have room in our van for 2 more.
-OK, I won't plan my next one. Surprises can be fun!
-Yup we are going to keep going till we get an ugly one. (note here I actually told my mom that we were going to keep going till we knew for sure we had a priest in the family)... LOL

Haven't you heard of birth control?
-Yes, and I thank God it doesn't always work!
-Yes, I've heard of it, I hope you are using it!
-Yes, that's great stuff for people with ugly kids!
-Oh yes, we do know what birth control is; it's for people who don't want children.
-Yes, and we've decided we'd rather have kids than cancer and blood clots...

Don't you have a television?
-Yes but have you seen the trash they put on there?
-Yes 4 of them. Why?

How can you afford having so many?
-Lifestyles are expensive not kids.
-We're not on welfare, in huge amounts of debt, and no, my husband is not a doctor or lawyer. We just budget well.
-I figure you spend what you make, you may as well spend it on more.
-"You don't know my financial backer!" (Our God, of course)
-I'm still not sure how we do it...but it works!

Look at that double trouble! (for twins)
-No, they are double blessings!

I am glad it is you and not me!
-Yes, me too!
-My kids are glad it's me and not you too! ;-)
-Oh me too! I love being a mother! and smile real BIG!

Do you get any time for yourselves?
-Obviously we get a little time to ourselves, or we wouldn't have six kids.

Did you give birth to all of them?
-Yes, I gave birth to them all. Do you really believe the stork dropped them off?

When people just keep staring at your family....
-No, we're not Catholic. No, we're not Mormon. unless you are then...
-Yes, we are Catholic or Yes, we are Mormon.
-Yes, they all are mine!
-No, we don't try to overpopulate the earth, just to outnumber the idiots!

Haven't You Had That Baby YET?!!?
-"YES. This is the NEXT ONE!!!!!!!!" See if that don't make their jaws drop!

And one last thought... if you run into a mom with a large family be sure to let her know that you do indeed realize she is blessed! I can't tell you what a smile that can put on a moms face! :) Thanks.